so said anyway Reckless Tom,
a shyster who turns his honest clients’
pockets into sieves
“it’s simpatico” he says,
smoking his clove cigarette
Tom is left-handed

####

“i volunteer any unsympathetic,
unkind, or miserly person”
says Silver Lisa, whose hair is dyed
she is of course volunteering others
for the meth installation put on
by habitat for humanity
she signs off aol and bleeds her arm

####

Nicholai left Oakland for the nut house
now he uses “college words”
he’s clean, except for bath salts
he’s getting into politics (again)
“remember the last election when
he gave the senator a gypsy’s leave?”
“i don’t want to talk about him.”

###

“hubba-hubba” – from White Sean as
he commiserates over an appendix,
the organ (lol)
Sean used to be double-gated but
got married and has three goats
he lives down on the gulf and hates taxes

###

Dairy John snaps a bronco with
a female’s competence
this is meant as praise doncha-know
it’s freezing but consider the following:
      1.   redcoats
      2.   minutemen
      3.   bluebellies
      4.   Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited

###

the change from a one-horse town
to chevy was not instantly,
though Carruthers still makes
word lists and submits
there is nothing in common
the foregoing, &c.
Carruthers is dove-tailed
hates anonymous letters like everyone
the week has gone by
it’s a coffee-and-cake job
his browser is open to a million tabs
indiscernible, though
he’s in private mode, lol

###

“i just wish i could tie it up”
notice of hearing (summons)
i’ll text my lawyer
      1.   have you gotten the discovery yet lol
      2.   i’m not pleading lol
      3.   when is court lol
      4.   what’s their offer lol
      5.   i’m here lol
      6.   i don’t see you lol
      7.   i’m in court where are you lol
      8.   the judge is asking where you are lol
      9.   they called my case lol
      10.   you’re fired lol
      11.   i want my money back lol
      12.   lol my friend saw a photo of you in a wife beater and he called it a white beater
      and my phone went off in my coat do you know when court is im high as fuck
      right now lol i bet the cops wont show up for trial lets take it all the way im not
      pleading to shit i don’t care my mom said her boyfriend would have got the case
      dumped by now where are you lol tom where the fuck are you you left-handed
      piece of shit answer me lol


###

“tell me what know about Jesus”
“tell me what time you went to bed”
my calendar has space
XX-X
(555) 555-5555
Text: Jenny is a slut and she’s fucking lying bro.

###

marc is a hip cat who watches cable news
on the side he’s into snuff scenes
well-heeled, he rubs two pennies
together and shazam, smacks
into an old woman who falls
down and goes BOOM
she is on a stretcher for the umpteenth time
marc hits the number lock key and
types in his password from his desk
he has already forgotten the old woman

###

jaden is a twerp who dials wrong numbers for a living
but he sketches nicely
mostly semi-nudes
his ex was into furry shit lol
last i heard she was smashing baggage at the airport
his ex was tom’s daughter, yeah the lawyer
it’s coming together, promise
“It’s not.”

###

it’s garbage day, did you bring the bin out?
what, today?

###

recall for a moment the opening lines
to the theme song at the
beginning of Melrose Place
and suppose that the word googol
is an outdated term for a
very large number, like a zillion
now try telling that to Charlie Noble
“Who?”
the proprietor of thinking and studying i reckon

###

everything is read, that is,
the noose is hanging
   no dice
that’s sad

###

Hot Bob dove into shallow water
and was instantly destroyed
he is alive still, and hooked to tubes
he’s still hot lol

###

Fat Ass Barb sent a ten carat
set to New York and pinned them
to the ears of that girl who
was standing in front of the bull
they were immediately stolen

###

"Suffering Christ!"

###

I don’t pretend to know everything,
like Greta and her Gang
they have the swagger of ogres
and are twice as ugly lol
Sunday thinkers, the lot of them
“Maybe they need a good swabbing down?”
“Definitely. They’re filthy.”

###

that’s a fine mess
“What?”
“the court’s scheduling order, and you’re fired.”
“buy me a long island at least?”
“sure, one for old time’s sake. best
paralegal i ever had, notwithstanding
the time you shot me.”
“that’s water under the bridge.”
“so it goes. let’s go get drunk.”

###

ska ska skee
“fat lungs spent his life savings
on a literal ball crawl replete
with synthetic children
i don’t want to talk about it
he’s the most vile, disgusting
human being to ever walk
the craggy surface of this
fucking rock.”

###

hey Larson!
just kidding

###

a marsupial tendon
adducts a sex job
is ripped
the surgeon has a skull chromie
around his neck and his
face is covered in sharpie
he is secretly female and has
a protuberant mole on his neck
so what’s new…

###

“He won’t ever write Sonnets to William, though
he will talk about it insufferably and to no
fucking end.”

###

John Padula too ordered wine in Los Angeles
we were both snowbirds for the night
he’s earnest and kind
i am a spider

###

Stuart Dunmeyer was an extremely virile and sexually attractive and successful man and Sally Field should have known how lucky she was, even in the restaurant, mouth agape: The whole time! (Lol Daniel)

###

i know most facets to the stand-your-ground law
even though Hick Ben went to prison
and i was wrong about it
perhaps i don’t know a thing
beyond the names of a few
Little Critter books
there’s jam in the station and
my favorite food comes from
a foreman grille, i added the E
i hate being criticized adversely,
just like you

###

pam is a hypersensitive bitch
who continually threatens to
cut off her finger because
she read about it and also
refuses to engage in any
discussion on the topic of reparations
even though she lives in Oakland lol
“So she’s a living martyr.”
“Precisely.”

###

the secrets of the Amazonian woman
in the skyway
i saw her once going to get something
over lunch and she came back
with an automated external defibrillator
she has a rose gold iPhone 13
i have a white, chipped iPhone 4
i’m not complaining but i kind of am

###

“why are all the flags half-mast?”
“it’s half-staff, not half-mast.”
“oh.”

###

Janus stole a power-c vitamin water
at the march of dimes and
was temporarily detained
he had to go to Zoom court
and pay $2.65 in restitution lol
“Janus Janus?”
“The same.”
“Lol”
“Hey, can I borrow your roof rake? We got over a foot yesterday.”
… “Hello?”

###

“good afternoon, Goyim, Goyim and Goyim, how
may I direct your call?”
“is tom in?”
“he’s in court, can i take a message?”
“tell him Sprite called and he’s fired”
[muffled laughter from a moving car]

###

Brent finally left Piedmont
where he sucked on THC gummies
and did real estate
he’s in Texas now, running
some kind of racket where
people in a bar throw hatchets
he found a good church too
i’m so jealous

###

my daughter is reading a graphic novel called Boy Crazy Stacy
we had a dance party last night
i judge the songs
my son won
i want to live forever

###

“what up cuh.”
“time is warped.”
i remember the curves at the mall where
all the wino broads in the suburbs
now do Zumba, curves is dead
“have you heard of columbine?”
“no, i’m a digital native and i want my keys back.”

###

the smiley face killers got trevor
he was about to publish but they
got him after the bar and put him in the river
on the same day my favorite prosecutor died
“it’s poetic.”
“no it’s not.”
“let’s put it to a gallup poll.”
“K”

###

it’s 2006 and Jen lost all her muscle fat
her team lost in the playoffs in january and
she didn’t even relapse this time
her rich brother has season tickets and has
warrants out
“he’s reading karamazov."
"no he's not."

###

"freehold estates must be with livery of seisin;
therefore a lease to A for seven years..." - more from tom, J.D.,
who is high on crack and reading the Commentaries
an old law clerk texts him: "I think I'm an alcoholic."
"P.S. I think I'm gay."

###

reverse time, feel the cut of his jib
N is the fourteenth letter of our alphabet
"let's split our pogs i have a slammer that
will make your head spin
or maybe we can just trade like usual i'm
not jewish though i act as if."
"i get it. the jewish kick and the fifth step.
i would jump off the john berryman bridge
but i feel like everyone would just move on.
i live in a camper
hold my beer
let's play swords when we pee together
pardon my french
i feel shame you betcha."

###

the norwegian way of asking a person "did you eat yet?" the response of "no, did you?" and the reply of "let's eat."
cheechyet?
noju?
squeat.

###

"bro that super racist guy in the burger king hat on the plane though - "
"most triangles have three sides, think about it."
"i'm waiting."
"just kidding."
"i want this poem to end on Elizabeth."
"why"
"b/c"
"k"

###

harper was creative because she painted
she died of cancer and was buried five
feet down instead of six so
she's different forever and also closer to the sun

###

SO YOU WANT TO BE A CYBERWRITER
- a mountebank

###

i am actually a very serious person, the kind who asks questions like who will guard the guards, i'm probably more serious than sam, the philosopher, i will never forget that scene in garden state when zach braff places his hand on his father's chest and says everything will be okay or something like that, bruce moved back to fargo but he didn't change his license lol, he's on probation for all that shit at the bible camp in wisconsin, he votes independent and is very convincing, do you want to ride in the back seat of a caddy, i'm totally serious, i grew up in an odd suburban bmx/mall/hip-hop/seafood sub culture where we threw around the number 187 as synonymous with murder i think it derived from the california criminal or penal code or whatever i have a whole body by design i need to restock on hollow points



###

i read all about pascal’s wager
i listen to bach
i sold my .38 special
i want a new book by derek
i believe in god
it’s too light outside
i’m bored

###

“i won’t quote my favorite
line from my favorite book
of the last few years. she knows
who she is, even though she’s dead.”
“you mean?”
“bingo.”